Who Resigns? » USA

Blagojevich claims innocence, won’t resign

Double James Toaster — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 06:39:21 +0000

From Reuters: Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich declared on Friday he had done nothing wrong and would not resign after facing charges he tried to sell the US senate seat vacated by president-elect Barack Obama. “I thought this country was all about opportunity and freedom,” Blagojevich told reporters. “So I was selling a senate seat on eBay. Big effing deal. Where’s the crime in that? If embracing capitalism and technology is a crime – then I’m guilty as charged.”

The winning bid of $512 was placed by Cletus Robson, originally of Wadsworth, Alabama. Robson was unavailable for comment over the incident. Experts speculate he might end up losing his seat.

Chiefs coach won’t resign

Double James Toaster — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 06:15:20 +0000

From ESPN: Hermione Edwards, the head coach of Kansas City Chiefs, an armoured catch team in the NFL, will not step down from his position. “We’ve won 2 of our last 23 games. Things are not looking that bad”, Edwards told the media. “It’s not like we’re losing by a lot. Even in our week five 34-0 loss to Carolina I felt like we were doing most things right. We’ve got the Tight End position nailed just perfectly, it’s just the rest of the team that needs a bit of work.” Chiefs Tight End Tony Gonzalez leads NFL in reception yardage and touchdowns for his position.

“I don’t see how people could blame me for our lack of success anyway” Edwards continued, “I’m not the one running around and dropping the ball where it counts. I just make faces at the sidelines. You might as well crucify the towel boy!”

KY education commissioner to resign

Double James Toaster — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 05:26:40 +0000

From MSNBC: Jon E. Draud, the fourth commissioner of edumacation in Kentucky, announced that he would resign the position effective in February. Dr. Draud, known for his side project as the head of gangsta rap group NKU, cited health concerns as the reason for his decision. Draud is currently attending physical therapy after a near-fatal gang related shootout in a Kentucky night club. Two members of rival group “Joe Brothers” have been arrested and are under investigation over the incident.